September 3, 2008

Struggling While Trusting in God

Me and Tim have been struggling financially for quite a time now. It started before we got married and has continued into our married life. It gets better and worse all the time. Right now we are in a very tight spot. Tim really wants to get a part-time job but there aren't many jobs hiring right now. A lot of the local stores he could work at close at 6pm so that doesn't help. He would really like me to continue staying at home. I have really gotten in the groove of things and he enjoys coming home to a peaceful and clean house and more importantly a happy, sane wife! He also figures that we will start trying to have kids soon so what's the point of me going back to work. I struggle with this. Not because I don't enjoy being at home full-time, because, believe me, I do. I love it! I really think that my job in life is to be a wife, mother and keeper of the home. I think that Tim's job is to be our provider. But it gets so hard when you are struggling and I know how tired he will be if he gets a second job.

This is where my faith in God and his plan comes into place. I have to trust in God and that if we are doing what is right and putting everything in his hands that it will work out someway, somehow. Being a fairly new Christian that is hard for me. I'm sure it is hard for the most veteran of Christians. How do you trust that God will take care of it? We are a society of taking control, especially as women, how do we let it all go? Most women can't even let their husband take control. Believe me, I was one of those women before marriage. My perspective and attitude has changed so much since becoming a married woman. I still struggle however, financially, emotionally and spiritually. I guess I have to learn patience, a little more self-control and a lot of faith!


  1. Jessica - I applaud the decision you have made in staying home yet understand your apprehension concerning finances,etc. There are many books and blogs on living more economically - maybe this will help some moneywise. My suggestions though are for that gut -wrenching feeling that you can't stay home and be the available mom you want to be. First,spend time in scripture and prayer(daily quiet time just you and the LORD-bringing your thoughts to Him)this might include journal writing and focusing on verses that strengthen you. Second,is there an older christian(mentoring) woman available to give you support? And are there any young christian women (home keepers)that you can meet with?Third,attend worship service -seek out those who are in the scripture and are "encouragers". I hope I don't sound too preachy as I know what it is like to struggle while trusting in God. I also know what it is like to struggle and not trust in God. Hope this is some help. Linda

  2. Thank you for your kind words. It is a daily struggle especially considering I don't know many people who would make the same choice as me. I am still looking for an older christian woman to give me support. I am starting to get to know the women in my church better. We are in an area where there are not many women my age. In my church, the closest woman to my age is my pastor's wife and we do talk from time to time outside the church, but right now, they have a lot going on in their life. I love attending worship. It does really help me. I love reading books about saving money but right now we are pretty close to bear bones which is why my husband is looking for a second job. I do love reading other christian women's blogs. I makes me feel as if I am not the only one in this situation.

  3. Congratulations on your marriage! I think you're headed in the right direction. You're working hard to be a good steward of the funds God has given you so now it's time to trust Him to provide the rest (whether it's supernatural blessings or a part-time job for your husband). Ultimately, God is our provider -- He can supply exactly what we need in the moment that we need it. Sometimes it's hard to have faith, especially when reality sets in but I know, from experience, that God can change your circumstances in an instant.

    Linda gave you some terrific advise. I too have struggled to trust God, even while believing that He would provide. I will pray that God brings some strong Christian women friends to you who can be the spiritual support that you need.


  4. I loved Linda's post and think I can also gleam from her advice.

    I think praying about the decision to work is number one. The next thing is to ask your husband what he would like you do do, that you already did. He said that he likes you home. My vote is this, if you are able to work then help in this area. You don't have kids now I'm assuming from your post. It is really a struggle to have kids and have these types of money struggles. So better to take care of these finances before kids, because it's hard to put together money for diapers, formula, doctor visits, new clothing ever 2 to 3 months, toys, etc. If I were in your situation, young and no kids I would work outside the home with my husband then "pretend" that I'm not working plus "pretend" that my husband just got a cut in pay of 25%. I would take those "non-existing" paychecks and hacksaw that loan or problem I had until it was completely gone. Pretending you are in an even bigger financial crisis that your current one would get you to completely review unnessecary expenses, like cable tv, internet access(get on at a friends house or library), magazine subscriptions, non grocery shopping trips, eating out. Sell things around your house or sell that 2nd car if you have one, sell your house or apt and get into a smaller one. Get really uncomfortable in your standard of living for the sake of escaping your debt prison. If you were to pair working and living like you were dirt, dirt poor and for a good long period of time you'll get out of your trap. I really understand being under a debt cloud. When I was a kid I had growing pains because my body was changing. When I first had my kids during those first few years and even up to now I experienced growing pains because the really selfish and greedy person I was came to light, communicated to my heart by God and God began to change me. That change really hurt because I was going from living only for my pleasure to giving everything my daily energy would allow for that little baby's future and his well being. I was in the process of changing my whole character. Part of my failure before Dexter was born was not preparing financially for him. It stemmed from selfish purchases, whimsical purchases, buying little pretties or decorative things. If I could have seen him and now my daughter at birth, 2 years to current ages of 7 and 4 in a beautiful vision I would have had the determination of getting my heart and house ready for them better than I did. At the time I thought I was frugal but really I wasn't, I went to the movies "a lot", I bought clothes, or gas up the vehicles and when anywhere then when the money ran out I would turn frugal and bring lunch. I would applaud myself for bringing lunch but my self-control should have been at the other entertainment and travel. Back then I didn't have Christ so I filled what I was missing with those shopping adventures. My husband at the time, bought what he wanted when he wanted and I didn't say anything because hey the future won't get here and we won't be broke for the first 4 1/2 years of my son's life either. Which is what happened. I really have a place in my heart for you and your situation because I know what poor is with a new baby. Also I believe that the change is so great with a new baby the foundation of marriage is challenged and rocked about like an earthquake. Because you both are trying to settle into your role of mother and father. And you both have unspoken expections of what the other person should be doing to help you or him. Then frustration start a slow boil and you don't understand why the other is being so unappreciative and stubborn. So not only prepare your finances but prepare your marriage. You'd be surprised how fast things can spin out of control relationship-wise when a new baby comes home for those first 1-2 years. It's crazy.

  5. Thank you both for your comments! It means so much to me that other people understand where I am coming from and are able to give me advice on where you have been. Tim and I have decided that I need to go back to work now I just need to find somewhere. Great suggestions on still living like we are struggling. Tim and I do not want to make changes to our budget for that exact reason. I will spend the same amount in groceries. If my grocery bill goes up a little it will be because I am able to buy fresh fruit and veggies which we have not been able to do lately. Thank you again for your advice! It is very much so appreciated!


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